Getting Back the Heat
by JanineD
Summary: Away from Cuba, Katie finds herself deprived of all emotions. Pls r & r
1. A Substitute but no Replacement

Disclaimer: I sure don't own anything, no need to sue. I'm well aware that everything belongs to greater minds and genius people!

**Getting back the Heat**

**A Substitute, but no Replacement**

Katie Miller was looking out of the plane window, when the pilot announced their descend on Puerto Rico. The flight had been tiring and Katie could barely stand the commotion of her fellow passengers. The whole flight she had had to listen to noisy wives complain to their husbands about practically anything, she had to listen to little kinds crying because they were exhausted from travelling, she had listened to her sister's lively chatter while Katie herself was untouched by all of it. She had kept to herself and her own thoughts, anticipation as well as mere carelessness flooding her mind.

Puerto Rico. Another island in the Caribbean. Again the heat, the rhythm, the Hispanic culture. But it wouldn't be the same. Katie knew that it was close, but it would never be Cuba. Cuba, the island she wished she had been allowed to stay. The island where she had grown into the person she was, the island that had captured her heart in so many ways. The island that was home to the man she loved whom she feared to never see again.

Puerto Rico had so much to offer but also so little. Suzie had been ecstatic when news had arrived that their father was to be send to Puerto Rico. Katie's younger sister still vividly remembered the joy of living on a Caribbean island. The preppy people, the hotel, the fancy school, the pool parties. That was what she had liked about Cuba. Unlike her sister she had not made a deeper connection with their previous Caribbean home. She was merely excited to get out of the "boring" states to live somewhere where you'd be pampered like you belonged to the upper 10 000 and where school was mostly a part time amusement.

Katie had watched her sister with worry during the days before their departure. She was afraid her sister might turn into one of those stuck-up Oceana bitches, as Katie now liked to refer to the American girls that had been staying at the Oceana Hotel in Havana. However Katie lacked the enthusiasm to do anything about it. Let her be the way she wanted to. That was the only thing she wished for herself and as long as no one bothered to break the shell she had been building up over the last year, she wouldn't bother to interfere with anyone's issues.

One year, it had been one year. Was it really only twelve months? Twelve months since that hurtful departure. Twelve months since she last saw him, talked to him. No news from him since the then. Who would have thought, that one year of Castro's rule would entirely destroy Katie's hope to ever see Javier Suarez again? Whereas last year she still had been naïve enough to expect that as soon as the situation in Cuba calmed down, they would be able to meet again, now Katie carried no hope of being able to return to Cuba anytime soon. The situation was not likely to change for the better. The more time passed the worse it got. Within a year all of Katie's dreams had been destroyed.

Once back in the States she had realized that she could never be content living in her home country. She had left a big part of herself in Cuba and back home, if you could still call it that, she lacked her passion, her determination, her interest, her feelings, her heart, her love. Cuba and Javier had brought out so many things in her, which she couldn't recover once she stepped onto American soil. She had lost all her care for things.

What happened to her? She didn't care. She was without Javier, without rhythm, without the dazzling heat, without life. In Cuba for the first time in her life she had been alive and happy and content with herself. She had lived from day to day without preoccupying herself with problems such as which college to go to, with graduate school to chose, what to do with the rest of her life. Before Cuba, Katie had always been more concerned with her future than with the present. She had never allowed herself to live, to show the wild side, to follow her intuitions. Cuba and especially Javier had taught her how to let loose, how to let go, how to let herself be herself.

In America Katie had immediately lost all of that. She had tried to get it back, but the more she tried, the more frustrated she got. She couldn't get it back. She'd never feel the same. She had to be in Cuba or somewhere else than the United States where life seemed dull to her now that she had experienced another.

Could Puerto Rico give her back some of that life, of that energy? She didn't know. She hoped though. Deep in her heart she knew it could never be the same. It lacked a special part, crucial for Katie's happiness. Javier.

Ever since she had last seen him waving at her taxi on a heavily crowded street of Havana, she had never mentioned his name to anyone again. Her friends back home never were told of him. Her parents sure hinted at him, Suzie had asked her directly, but Katie never let herself be drawn into a conversation about him or dared to say his name. Somehow it felt that if she talked about him, she'd lose him one day. The more she talked about him, the more he would disappear. Even without talking about him he seemed farer away each day and Katie didn't even want to think about losing him completely one day. She was with him every day. Sometimes not a minute passed without him crossing her mind.

Sometimes she had scolded herself for hanging on to him so much. After all they had only spent a short time together. Hell, they had shared on night, a few great dances, a few conversation and still Katie felt like she could never love anyone else. She had told herself that she was holding on to a stupid crush out of a crazy romantic notion, that the energy and connection she had felt with him might have been illusions and had they spend more time together she would have seen that it was just a simple crush, a flirt, nothing serious. But no matter how hard she tried to tell herself that it didn't mean much, the more sure she got, that it actually meant more than she had thought when leaving Havana.

It hurt her more to not be with him than she expected. Of course she had anticipated missing him, missing him a lot, but she had never thought that it could take away her entire life, that living without him, without Havana, without the dance and all the other things connected with her stay in Cuba would leave her so alone and hopeless.

She knew, that no matter how long she had known Javier, he had changed her. No one could ever have such an impact on her person like him ever again. In him she had found a new sense for her life that was lost before she even knew it had existed. Had she known she would have stayed in Cuba. She wouldn't have left, She'd still be with the man she loved. Yes, the man that she loved. She loved him, she was sure of that and no matter how much time would pass, a piece of her heart would always belong to him. She would never forget him.

Katie sighed. The view out of the small plane window had changed. The clouds had disappeared and in view came the island of Puerto Rico bathed in bright sun light. What a view! Beside her Suzie was still talking about whatever. Katie didn't care. Just like she hadn't cared about being accepted to Radcliff or her first year of college. Just like she hadn't cared about meeting people in college, about any of the classes she had taken, about the time when she got to go home for Christmas. She had gone on with her life, but had she really lived?

When she came home that summer she didn't care. When her parents offered her to come chose herself whether to go back to college or come with them to study in Puerto Rico she didn't care. When they packed up their things and got on the airplane she didn't care.

But know looking down at the sunny island in front of her, she doubted that not caring had been so good. What if it hurt more to be in Puerto Rico than the States? What if it reminded her so much of Cuba that it hurt knowing it was close but not really the real thing. What if he saw boys dancing in the streets and he wasn't among them?

Would she be able to stand living on an island so close to Cuba and her love knowing she'd never be able to actually go there?

These thoughts were coulding Katie's mind when the airplane made its abrupt touch-down on Puerto Rico's main airport.

A substitute, but no replacement, Katie thought to herself.

A.N.: Okay, this is my first fanfic that's not GG, so please be gentle. I don't know, I like this movie, although I like to call it a guilty pleasure and somehow it drew me in. I don't exactly no why but the something about it drew me in, and although I think Diego is a handsome gal, I don't think it was him. When I read a few fanfics I felt the need to write something myself and as I already said, it's kind of new territory for me. So, I love, love, love reviews. Please tell me what you think and whether it's worth the energy to go on!!! Love, Janine


	2. You Need to Feel the Music

**Disclaimer: How can it be that I don't own anything?**

**A.N.: **I know it's been a while since I've put the first chapter out, but life got in the way of things. I apologize. The reason I am continuing this is because of the great reviews that I was happy to receive. I hope you guys have fun with this. The next chapter will probably take a while since I have so much work at the moment, so please be patient. Thanks for hanging on. Tell me what you think, Janine.

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**You Need to Feel the Music**

It had been three weeks and just as Katey had expected, Puerto Rico hadn't been able to arouse her the way Cuba had done. Sure, it was better than at home, life was less dreadful here, but it wasn't perfect. To be honest it was far from being that. Suzie and her parents had quickly adjusted to their new home. As it turned round this time they were to live in a house for themselves, not a 5-star hotel again, but still they had a maid and a driver who'd pretty much took care of all the household. Like anticipated Katey's father didn't have to spend as much time at work because there simply wasn't as much to do as back at the branch in the States. Everything went slower, less complicated and more relaxed.

Of course Katey liked that. People weren't as hectic, they did not put work first, took their time with everything, were open to the pleasures that life offered them and simply enjoyed being. They enjoyed going to the beach, spending time with their families after going to church on Sundays. They rarely complained, always wore a friendly smile, were open to strangers and at nights all the streets of San José were filled with content people about to enjoy themselves and have a nice evening.

They were much more like Javier and many other Cubans, than Americans ever would be, and Katey sensed that even though it wasn't Cuba in some way she had already warmed up to this island and its people. It sounded harsh, but to her they had more heart. Of course some of them were poor, many of them had hard times, but they wouldn't let the worry take all of their heart. When they went out in the evenings they forgot about their worries and merely celebrated the fact of being alive. They sang, they danced, they talked and laughed, old and young, strangers and friends. They had so much love for life itself that Katey simply had to love them for it.

However their joy would not reflect upon Katey. She was hard to stir these days. Even though she was more comfortable here, even though her environment wasn't tearing her down anymore, she couldn't return to being happy or content for that matter. Puerto Rico to her was like a medicine that could only treat the symptoms but could do nothing against the real illness which was still lingering in her chest unwilling to let her go. And maybe she was unwilling to let it go as well. After all, being happy again felt like betraying herself for she knew that nothing could make her truly happy but Javier. Maybe it was possible for her to be content, to live life without waking up in the morning not knowing how to make it through the day. She would never be entirely happy though. Possibly it was self pity which was playing along with it, Katey wouldn't allow herself to stop pining at least for hours or so. Deep down she knew that she kept pining in this manner because she was afraid, that if she did stop she'd lose part of Javier. After all everything left of him were her memories. She was afraid she'd lose them if she didn't concentrate on them. That was the last part of him that she had left of him and she wouldn't let go of it if her life depended on it.

Therefore on this evening Katey was again to be seen alone, strolling the inner city bounds of San José. Unaware that she caught people's eyes she went strolling to the streets, letting her feet lead the way her mind entirely occupied with thoughts of Javier and Cuba. The people she passed looked at her in wonder. Not only was a blond and pretty girl like this rarely to be seen on Puerto Rican streets, but she had an air of sadness and despair about her, that wouldn't go unnoticed by the warm-hearted people. They could sense hopelessness when they saw it and were silently mourning with her, some even praying for her, that she might find a way to be joyful again. One could say that her view was touching, however Katey was totally unaware of that.

She didn't pay attention to anyone around her, caught up in thoughts, memories and feelings. Tonight was one of the worse nights. No matter what she did, who she was with or where she was, her mind wouldn't go anywhere else. On nights like these she felt overwhelmed with emotions. All of what she had felt in Cuba came flooding back to her, all the good and the bad mingling with each other. On the one hand there was joy, rhythm, hope and love on the other hand there was despair, pain, fear. Katey was drawn back and forth to a point where she couldn't distinguish anymore what she really felt this moment. Was she caught up in happy memories, in dreams of the past? Or was she like most of the time simply mourning for what she had lost? The answer wasn't clear to Katey, but she suspected it was something in between. She was mourning for what she had and what she couldn't have anymore. It felt bad, because Katey was happy that she got to experience all these feelings and happy moments, but on the other hand she was mad at destiny for taking it away from her. It wasn't fair. Why show her the life she wanted to lead and take the opportunity to do so away from her so quickly?

Katey was somewhat disgusted with herself and with her self-pity. If Javier could see her like that he would probably scold her for only looking at the bad sides. He'd probably tell her to get lost and live in the present, enjoy all the things life had to offer her, not go on about stuff she couldn't change. Take what life gives you and deal with it. Katey felt like she should do it. After all Puerto Rico was a whole new opportunity, a gift. She should take it, be happy with what she got and not constantly mourn for what had truly been on her wish-list. She had a chance here and she should take it. The problem was she didn't know how to.

As she had walked through the inner part of the city she had arrived at what could be called center of amusement, the part of town where most clubs and bars were located. Katey stopped dead in her tracks realizing where she was and how far she had walked from home. She had never actually gone to this part of town knowing it was merely a Puerto Rican hang-out and Americans simply didn't go there. The thought saddened her, just like I Cuba, Americans weren't interested in the locals. They enjoyed the pleasantries of the island but never mingled with the people. They had no interest but they knew all about it. Prejudice had become something Katey could hardly stand.

For a few moments Katey considered going home, knowing she had already been out long, but she decided against it. She'd probably be the only white girl in this part of town and people would look at her, but she didn't mind. The music she was hearing were already to much, the smell and the head coming from this part of town were too overpowering. She couldn't just turn back here. She had to hear and feel the music, the rhythm the passion.

Somewhere in the commotion of it all, she could distinguish the sound of salsa music maybe a little bit of mambo. She was drawn there and couldn't resist it.

She slowly started walking towards where she thought, she had heard the music.

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End file.
